The Green Flags of Friendship

We hear all the time about red flags in relationships. It becomes easy to only see red. Yet there is another flag we need to look for: the green flags!

In this blog, I am going to focus on friendship green flags. Why friendship? Ultimately, a good relationship is based on friendship, and these flags can be applied to both friends in your circle and potential partners.

You Bring You, I'll Bring Me: Autonomy in Friendships

"We must all make our own lives. No one can do it for us." – Ingmar Bergman

When we are young, our friends tend to suck us into a vortex, and our identities become one. As we grow, though, our identities should begin to separate. A healthy friendship becomes one where you can show up completely as yourself and your friend can show up completely as themselves. Your interests and views may not always be the same, and that is healthy. Your schedules may not overlap, and that doesn't break the bond. You don't feel like you have to hide or change. Rather, you feel loved, held accountable, and supported, and you provide them with that same support in return.

Conflict Is Followed by Communication

"Forgiveness often repairs what anger tries to destroy." – Shannon L. Alder

Girls, remember how in elementary school, if you did not answer a note immediately, smile right in the hallway, or, heaven forbid, talked to the boy your best friend had a crush on, it led to World War III in the friendship?

Now, if conflict is met with an emotional war, that's a red flag. We are here to talk about green flags, so you should be looking for someone who says, "Hey, why were you talking to McDreamy? Should I be worried?" instead of starting a fight.

Conflict is good, normal, and healthy. It's how we deal with it that makes it a green flag. When you and your friend find yourselves on different pages, you should come together to read each other's page and find your way to the next chapter together.

You Are a Battery; They Are Your Charger

"Happiness is multiplied when shared with a friend." – Christopher McCandless

Ever get the "Are you free?" text and groan a little bit? Or leave a conversation and feel your heart fall because you realize the mask you didn't even know you were wearing?

Now, on the other hand, have you ever been a swirling storm of emotions, exhaustion, and frustration, and then had one conversation with someone that suddenly made the storm seem quieter?

That is the green flag we are looking for. They recharge your battery when you're drained, and you're there for them no matter the occasion or how "inconvenient" their feelings might feel.

Be Honest... Who Did You Think Of?

If I have done my job correctly, then you probably had a moment where you remembered some red flags. Lean into that. Decide if there is something that needs to be done (remember, conflict is not always bad).

Hopefully, you also thought of someone who is a green flag. Treasure them.

Alternatively, maybe you are watching someone you love become entangled in a friendship full of red flags. Use this blog, along with your own love and support, to help them recognize those red flags by teaching them what green flags look like.

Sources

• Demir, M., et al. (2023). Adult Friendship and Wellbeing: A Systematic Review with Practical Implications. Frontiers in Psychology.

• Helliwell, J. F., et al. (2024). The American Friendship Project. PLOS ONE.