Are You Being a Savior or a Friend

When our friends or family are hurting, it's natural to reach out and want to help. To give of our resources and our skills to help. Often at a detriment to ourselves. And that is not wrong, it is honorable and loving. It's what we should do. What about when it becomes unhealthy? What about when we have given all we have, but they are still asking?

I am not here to tell you where the line is, or what is and isn't healthy; that has to be decided on by you. I am here to tell you that you are not a savior. You are a person who has your own needs, desires, and moments where you need help. It is okay to protect yourself.

Every relationship needs boundaries. They can change in each season and be different person to person. But for a relationship to be healthy, there must be a line on what you won't do. Only YOU can decide what that line is and where it will be drawn.

One of the hardest parts of helping someone is that moment when you want to help them, but they won't help themselves, and they keep asking for your help. That is when you have to remember you are a friend or a family not their savior. They have to save themselves. True healing and lifestyle changes come from we take responsibilty for ourselves.

Has reading this made you think of a certain someone?

Here is what I want you to do.

*Take a moment when you are not frustrated with them and decide what you can and cannot do. Do not talk yourself out of what you decided. If you can only give $5 a month, then that is ALL you need to give.

*Communicate the boundaries with them. This does not have to be done confrontation style. You can put your boundaries in place the next time they ask. For Example, if they come and ask you for money again, you can say, "I am happy to help. I can only give you $5, and that is all that I can give until next month. "

*Remember that no is a full sentence. It does make you a bad person to say no, especially when done in a kind manner.